Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Present in the mail!

I've just received a present in the mail from WeightWatchers!

"The Little Book of Make-Over Secrets"!

That is so nice! I am chuffed! I love presents in the mail!!!!!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Watch out, lazy girl coming through!

109.1 kg.


I blame this weight plateau on the LACK OF ARRIVAL of the Karl Lagerfeld Diet book that I ordered from Angus & Robertson online. It is clearly the lack of Karl Lagerfeld in my life that is causing this ... er ... laziness.

Plus, I totally axed my knee doing pilates, and my physio wants me to see a podiatrist to get new orthotics before we do any hardcore fixing of my knee because it's too weak to take my weight. (Which is a lot.) SIGH.

On the bright side, I performed at the Baha'i Centre today, and was able to fit back into my green and black striped skirt with NO dramas. Hurray!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Sick-bed food

I had a migraine yesterday. My migraines are the sort of debilitating bastards who show up right after I've gotten up, showered, done my hair, put on my makeup and spritzed my perfume. Suddenly, my vision will become unclear, and then a small patch of my vision will go on the blink, fuzzy all over, growing and growing until most of it covers my vision and I can no longer see. Yesterday wasn't quite that bad. I leapt out of bed and started getting ready when all of a sudden my vision was fuzzy and the headache started. Bloody typical, because yesterday, I was due to rehearse, have a lesson, perform in a class, go to pilates, and teach about six students. Couldn't have happened any OTHER day this week, could it?

Anyway, I just wanted to note down my virtuous yet incorrect feeling last night that, because I was sick, I could eat whatever the hell I wanted. I chowed down on peanut-butter toast, Sustagen, cups of tea, tea cake, sausages, potato, broad beans, cauliflowers and gravy, oh, the gravy. Total stuff-fest! Grahhhhh. It was great, though. Mmm. I also had paracetemol and ibuprofen. Do they count?

My hypnotherapist told me to try putting my writing hand under warm water and a cool compress on my forehead when a migraine comes, in order to shrink the blood vessels that are expanding in my head and causing the migraine. I tried that briefly but gave up and just went to bed. Because I'm lazy.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Water, the nectar of the slim

I am not very good at picking accents. Honestly, I'll be able to pick up that they have an accent, but I can rarely pin it down to whichever country it originates from. I think that's probably a very terrible trait for an aspiring singer and I shall have to work on it. If somebody comes up to me and asks me a question with a Scottish brogue, I'll be sure to nudge Bec after it and say, "What a lovely, lilting Irish accent that was!" and then she'll take the piss. For hours.

However! There is a man who comes in to work and his accent reminds me of Leslie Nielson's accent from Dracula Dead And Loving It, so I am going to say that his accent is Transylvanian. It may only remind me of that because the customer in question looks like Dracula, but that is perhaps irrelevant. In any case, there is a man with a Transylvanian (we'll say) accent who comes in to work and frequently entertains me with his world views and flamboyant gestures. Previously a chef, he is now retired, and lives to annoy his wife (I imagine).

Recently, he came in and told me that he'd started losing 2kg a week merely by drinking water.

"Really!" said I. "Well, I'll have to up the water intake. I'm on a diet."

"ARE you!" he said, looking incredulous. (I know. I don't look like I've lost much. Shaddup.)

"Yes, I am," I said. "It's a long road."

"No, no, no, no, no, you know?" he said, with that Transylvanian (I'm convinced!) lilt. "Is not difficult, you know? You drink two litres of water a day!"

"Two," I repeated. (Mother has drummed this into me since I was... four.)

"Two!" he emphasised. "In fact, no. You are very big, very tall girl, you must drink three. Three litres of water a day!"

"Three!" Bugger that. I'll be peeing all day and all night long.

"Ja!" he said. "Three! And, you know, you avoid things like bread--"

"Oh," I whined.

"Pasta!" he warned.





"... What?"



"Very fatty, very fatty! I was a chef, I know these things! You avoid those and you let me know how you doing, okay!"

So that was a couple of weeks ago. Today, he comes in and says to me, while other customers are listening, "Have you lost any weight?" I had to laugh. From any other customer's perspective, he sounded bloody rude. "Awww," he admonished me. "More water!"

So I'm sucking down the water today, people. May it help my waistline, if not my bladder.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


Have ordered it from the Australian Angus & Robertson Bookstores website. $31.95 including postage. Better be worth it, Karl Lagerfeld; better be worth it.

Karl Lagerfeld is too damn popular

In the time it just took me to enter my credit card details, both copies of The Karl Lagerfeld Diet were gone. GONE.

Time to resort to Australian bookstore websites.

Current Statistics

OK. I found a measuring tape. Here are my current statistics, plus weight history.

03/03 - 115.3 kg
11/03 - 111.3 kg
16/03 - 112.7 kg
23/03 - 110.6 kg
30/03 - 108.5 kg
06/04 - 109.1 kg
13/04 - 109.0 kg

Total lost to date: 6.3 kg

Current measurements are:

Dress size - 20
Waist - 107 cm
Hips - 125 cm
Bust - 120 cm
Arms - 35 cm
Thighs - 71 cm

I'm off to find the Karl Lagerfeld diet book on Amazon or eBay!

My brother is amazing

Yay! My brother is a total genius.

I was just bitching to him about the stupidity of the WeightWatchers' system on the website where, after you've reached your first "goal" (an interim goal while you're attaining your big goal), you can't edit your goal weight.

He just looked at me and said, "... Google it."

So I Googled it.

AND NOW IT IS FIXED! HUZZAH! So the WeightWatchers website is aware that my goal weight is 80kg, and the progress charts now reflect this. Huzzah! I'm currently using a computer that doesn't have Photoshop on it, so I'll be Photoshopping my progress chart onto this blog when I get my laptop back from my bestie (lent it to her to minimise her boredom in hospital).


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Unexpected encouragement

I went to my regular G.P. today to get a referral for something and, while I was there, decided to update him on my diet progress. He was STOKED. I LOVE MY G.P. He was excited for me! There is nothing more encouraging than the doctor you've had for as long as you can remember telling you that you're doing really well. I mean, he doesn't usually mince words with me. He's the one who told me that I really need to make a change, even though I'd gone to him about the same issue in the first place. I think he's been my doctor since I was three or four years old. Maybe. Ages, anyway.

On a bit of a bummer side, though, his scales are nastier than my parents' scales, and his scales read 109.0.0. Which is still really good (that's a loss of six-and-a-half kilos since I saw him at the end of February), but not quite as exciting as the ten kilos that I've lost by my parents' scales. Anyway, who cares about the number-crunching, huh? My mum has always hated the scales and reckons that you should judge your weight loss achievements by measuring things. I've never actually measured these things before but have discovered that the WeightWatchers Online Tracker has a section for measurements as well as scales readings. So I might go and get Mum's tape measure and have a bit of a measure-fest. Ain't that exciting?

In other news, I am preparing myself for winter, and have succumbed to the daggy jumper. My mum is finding me one. I had to try on two of hers. They look great on her, cos she's a mum and can pull off any colour and any design and still look good, but they made me look like a hessian potato sack. I guess I will have to resign myself to daggy clothes in order to keep warm this winter, cos I suspect that our new house will be fecking cold, despite the floor heating. Since I've been at uni, I haven't owned jumpers or skivvis, and just worn clothes with open necks and coats over the top (which has always resulted in being freezing). Mama bought me two new pairs of jeans from Jeans West the other day, which was really great. I'm in the biggest and longest size for females that Jeans West stocks, but they FIT! It's better than having to look to the internet to custom-order your jeans. My mum tried on jeans and the legs were too wide for her. Bloody mum. She's got fantastic legs and a tiny butt. And so does my youngest sister. Bitches, the pair of them.

I am printing Weight Watchers recipes for low-fat muffins and soups so that my housemates and I can constantly have low-fat comfort food on hand for the cold winter months. Hobart has already been inundated with snow, and let me tell you, it was fecking FREEZING. I was really happy to be at work on the snow days, cos I got to wear my full uniform (jumper included) and hang out next to the pie-oven in a heated store.

I haven't had a single pie since I went on my diet. I think that's a pretty big achievement!

Tarrah, dieters. May the love of Uncle Karl (Lagerfeld) be with ye all.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I thought that I would've put on all the weight that I lost over the Easter break, but nooooo! Apparently, standing around a labour ward and consuming nothing but Diet Coke means that you lose extra weight! I'm being careful to keep it off. Hope it works! So I'm down to 105.5! Wooooot!

I'm so excited about the layouts that Natalie has made for this blog and my other blog. SOOOO EXCITED! Love it! They're both awesome. I have always been in awe of her creative vision and eye for detail, and these layouts are of no exception. The other blog's layout is so pretty - I really like it, I think it's gorgeous. I'm currently enjoying this blog's layout immensely, though - the Karl Lagerfeld sidebars are keeping me cracked up! I just explained it to my parents but I'm not sure that they really get it.

It's currently storming in Launceston. Magnificent to watch out of the window.

Layout & Hijacking #2

Bonjour Pammy!

I figured that since I hijacked your other blog, I should not allow this one to feel left out. Have finished the much awaited Uncle Karl layout and uploaded it to your blog. You are thrilled, I'm sure. 

The header is from an Alice In Wonderland themed Vogue editorial from years ago, with Natalia Vodianova as Alice, dressed in various designers' interpretation of the Alice costume. The designers were then photographed with Alice wearing their creations, and as you can see, Karl Lagerfeld for Chanel designed that one! Isn't he magnificent? Obviously, you are now fanning yourself, gazing upon his royal hotness.

I also made you a whole bunch of Karl thinspiration graphics to go with your blog, and chucked them all in your sidebar. The Kaiser will ensure you never stray from your Weight Watchers plan again. Remember. Laser beams for eyes. Designer adamantium claws.



Natalie Faye

Monday, April 13, 2009

Oh hell, Easter

Easter has put a massive dent in my diet. And not even for the reasons that you would've thought! My best buddy of ten years went into labour on Thursday. A 33-hour labour at which I was present resulted in very little eating at all and lots of consumption of diet coke. Aaaaaaaaaaargh. Not good. I've been pretty lax over the last fortnight, actually. I've gotten sick of the WeightWatchers online points tracker. SIGH. I need to get back on that boat before I put on all the weight I've lost. Don't you love how enthusiasm waxes and wanes? But mostly wanes? It always feels like a new moon instead of a full moon. (But then again, maybe the new moon symbolises the new me, and the full moon symbolises my massive hips? ... No?)

Aaaaaaaanyway... just thought I'd update to say that the diet's still here, and I apologise for being a lazy bitch about it. I blame the baby. (He eventually arrived, by the way, and is doing fine. Hurray! God bless little babies. Etc.)

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I woke at 8am. Had an hour-long session of hypnotherapy at 9am. Half an hour of clinical pilates at 10.30am. Now I'm sitting in front of my laptop, listening to "Woods" by Bon Iver, with my red polkadot teapot here, brewing French Earl Grey tea, two small slices of wholemeal bread with low-fat marg and raspberry jam, and a tiny chocolate hot cross bun.

This, my friends, is the life.

The sun is shining, the food is good, the tea smells amazing, and I feel so unbelievably rested and happy. Confident. Blissful. Determined that the day will be good. I think everybody should do hypnotherapy and clinical pilates. And eat raspberry jam and chocolate hot cross buns (they're probably helping more than the hypnotherapy. Hah!).

Have a good one.


Bit of a weight-gain, dudes, by, like... half a kilo. I will attribute it to the Messiah after-party in which we demolished two woodfired pizzas from Cargo, and then sat on the couch watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame while eating an entire box of Roses chocolates. Well, it was a night very much enjoyed and needed, but probably could've toned down the munchies.

I have also been extremely lazy about using the WeightWatchers weight-tracker this week so I haven't really been keeping track of points, just making wise (ish) decisions about what to eat. Fail.

The WeightWatchers website is pissing me off. I have combed it thoroughly, looking for ways to reset my goal weight now that I have reached the first goal, the 5kg goal or whatever it was. But I cannot! I can retake the initial quiz and get a new points allocation, blah blah blah, but I can't find my way back to the bit where it says "What would you like your goal weight to be? We suggest 5% first!" or whatever. I wouldn't mind so much, as the website does actually say that I'm on the way to 10kg weight loss or whatever occasionally, but then it says that I'm "maintaining" my weight instead of losing weight, and that gaining half a kilo is a normal thing to happen when you're maintaining your weight. ON MY QUIZ, I HAVE SELECTED "LOSE WEIGHT", NOT "MAINTAIN WEIGHT". I HAVE DONE THIS QUIZ ABOUT TEN TIMES IN THE LAST FRAKKING WEEK. I just don't get it. Giving me the shits.

So this week is Easter. That's not cool. I mean, it is cool. It would be cool-ER, if I didn't have to work all weekend (or at least got public holiday pay for having to work Easter Sunday instead of enjoying a nice roast lunch somewhere). The chocolate consumption has already begun. God. Terrible. I ate many speckled eggs today. I actually bought them to put on the cakes that I'm making for some certain people (chocolate nest egg cakes - adorable) but no, alas, they're all gone. Pshaw!

One of my students, Sue, gave us some chocolate hot cross buns for Easter. Isn't she a dear? Of course, now they're being demolished. Thankfully, I assigned Lucy the dreadful task of eating most of them, a task which I must say that she has taken to like a fish takes to water. Good girl, Lucy, for taking one for the team.

The idea of going swimming has been floating around in my mind for a few weeks. Ideally, I'd love to go for a swim at the Savoy Baths every morning, finishing it off with a spa bath and a massage, but alas, unless I want to part with a hundred bucks a day for the privilege, I guess I can't do that. I could go to the Aquatic Centre, but everybody there is beautiful and thin and lovely already, and I'm too slow even for the slow lane, so they tell me to go to the "other" pool, which is generally full of young people splashing each other and acting disinterested in their surroundings. Discussing last night's episode of Home and Away. And wearing full faces of makeup whilst in their bikinis in a public swimming pool. So I'm on the lookout for some other, much more private place, which doesn't cost the earth and will let me paddle back and forth up the lanes until I build up some stamina and what have you.

My dear friend has volunteered to create me some layouts for my Blogspot blogs. I have this one (you may notice that I have renamed it to be The Elephant Fairy), and I've just created one called The Fairy Soprano, which was what this one was called but I then decided to make this blog weight-loss only, and the other one for whatever I deem necessary at the time of publishing. So I'll be sure to give y'all a heads up when the layouts are up so that you may suitably admire.

I just discovered today that I can have comments emailed to me. I had wondered why I was such a loser and could never find any comments on my entries without going to each and every entry each day to check. Isn't that marvellous? I'll be able to keep up with your responses to my entries! Thank you, by the way, for commenting to encourage me. I think the road from 115.7kg to 80kg is going to be a really long one, but it's nice to know that people are on my side. I don't think I've weighed 80kg since I was 14.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Second Thursday before Easter (Penultimate Thursday?)

I haven't been that good this week. I mean, I have been eating lots of healthy stuff, but there was a block of Cadbury's peppermint chocolate just LYING AROUND, I TELL YE. I'm currently sitting on the loungeroom floor with Elysia and her friend Steph (an artist from the US of A), resisting the family-sized packet of Arnott's biscuits.

Been to pilates all this week. Am a very good girl. Have totally angered my knee, though! I was doing these squat things on inflatable purple discs at the studio, and something in my left knee (the more common offender of my two knees, just FYI) just kind of groaned majestically, and then this SHOOTING PAIN shot through the groove, sending out little alerts all along my nerves, causing other parts of my body to spasm briefly in sympathy. (I am not kidding.) And now, at various intervals throughout the day, my knee gives a yell and stabs me (stabs me right in the eye) to remind me that it's not happy. So I have given in and booked an appointment to actually see my physiotherapist, instead of being cheap and just using her studio for individual clinical pilates sessions. (Elke Rudolph is a dream come true in the world of physiotherapists. Can't recommend her highly enough.) Damn you, rebellious knee.

I discovered something today. I don't like King Island Dairy Double Cream Brie. It has brownish flecks on the outside of it and the brie itself is darker and I thought it tasted rancid and mouldy. Marcella liked it though so I gave it to her. Pfft. Cheese connoisseur. I'm cheap with my cheese. I like tasty cheese, mozzarella cheese, plastic cheese, Kraft cheese slices, wasabi cheese, and brie. And a couple of others I've tried, but I basically don't eat them because they're too rich. Like I said, I'm cheap. Give me tasty cheese and I'm happy.

Now. Easter. Mum, I know you're reading this and I'm sure you'll support me in this. PLEASE DON'T FEED ME CHOCOLATE THIS EASTER. I would appreciate Easter gifts of... love. Love, and maybe some fancy leaf tea that I can put in my new red polkadot teapot that Marcella gave me. But no chocolate. I cannot be temped. Chocolate is an evil temptress who must be denied. She will give me back those 6.1kg faster than you can say Lindt in three different accents. And we can't have that.